Growing up as a youth, there was this elderly Man in our neighborhood that I will represent here as "Grandpa”. He was exactly a Grandpa, though not very old.
Grandpa was married and his wife was still alive, strong and healthy, though, she was always on and off, hardly around. She was always on the go, visiting their children on regular basis, based on their invitations. They love their father so much, at least in their own Wisdom, and were always ready to do anything that will make him happy. However, they hardly invite him, and hardly visit him. Whenever Grandma travelled, she stayed long, at times for upwards of 9 months, and after a stint with Grandpa, she embarked on another visit. In one of such numerous visits, she stayed away for two years plus.
After intermittent, though prolonged periods of arguments, debates and altercations between Grandpa and his children over what he referred to consistent neglect, and inability of the children to keep him very active and productive. He accused them of not caring enough, in particular, not supporting his idea to engage in business rather than stay idle.
Another issue was Grandpa’s preoccupation – starting a business. After so much arguments and altercations between Grandpa and the children that never yielded any positive result, Grandpa, was opportune to commence a business, a provision store that one of his Grand Children supported him to open. The financing support was by the Grandson, the very one he groomed under his roof. He lived with the Grandpa and Grandma for several years while growing up as a teen, through his early adult life. By then, Grandpa and Grandma were younger, more active and in the city.
The journey of their Grandson's stay with them did not start on a sound or happy note. The atmosphere was filled with tension and anxiety, saturated by anger, worry and concern of a disturbing magnitude. Enemies of the family saw the situation as rejection of the young man by his parents. To them, he was forced or bundled out of his immediate family. This was when it became practically obvious to his parents that they no longer could cope with what most people dubbed his so many excesses. At that point, nobody was ready to dare, to manage, accommodate or tolerate the so called excesses of the young man. He was really a torn in their flesh of the parents, they said.
Grandpa, reputed for his caring, loving and engaging nature, was very friendly to all and sundry. As was widely reported, it was with this same mindset that he embraced the coming of the Grandson to his house, without any strings attached. Though, he lived with Grandpa and Grandma, but Grandpa, especially accepted him with open arms and gladness. He love the decision of the parents to allow him stay with them.
To many people, Grandpa was everything to the Grandson. He indeed reproduced himself in him. Going by popular opinion and submissions, Grandpa and Grandson were "Paddy Paddy", 5 and 6 and body-body (different Nigerian slogans used here to represent closeness, oneness, and intimacy, defined by very strong attachment of the parties in a relationship).
The scenarios above were glaring indications that Grandpa and Grandson were not only close but were always together most of the times, the age difference between the two notwithstanding. They were very much fond of each other, and a strong reason for most people to conclude Grandpa and Grandson had one thing or the other in common.
Most people of Grandpa's era readily qualified the young man as strong headed, strong willed and obstinate. At most they said he was merely a stubborn boy, and nothing more. There was no act of evil or criminality associated with his actions they noted.
On the part of Grandpa, he explained "Nobody was patient enough to at least give him the chance to overcome, to outgrow the situation and handle things in a more mature way. Being unwilling to change his views, actions and opinions easily about the things he strongly believed in does not make him a very bad person. He was a very determined person and was always ready to push his case and stand firmly by his convictions”.
It was that development that led his parents to force him out of the house to come and live with his Grandparents, and provided the opportunity for the older parents to also play their part in his life.
Such intervention was common and readily available with Grandparents of the old. Their exposure, wealth of experience and skill in handling delicate and dicey issues, through their interventions, were quite instrumental in stabilizing the family unit. As for the Grandparents of today, I do not know if I can with optimism say the same thing. The positive impact of the older generation to the society of old, not only in the family unit, is glaringly absent and visibly lacking in the present world.
Could it be that expertise, exposure and experience, indeed capacity, do not mean anything in molding the family of the present world? What is the fate of the young, inexperienced children of the present day Grandparents, who are now deeply involved as marriage partners and digging it out in the act of parenting?
What is the role of Grandparents in the act of parenting in the present society?
If I am the only one who cannot confirm the above, please do well to inform us through your comments in the commentary box, after reading this story.
I do not habour any trepidation in my conclusions that the Grandpa and Grandma in this story were instrumental to what their Grandson became in life. Reference is here made, particularly, about Grandpa's understanding of the entire scenario. The action of the young parents (Grandson's Parents) to resort to seeking the help of their older parents, the more experienced partners and collaborators in the marriage institution, tested and proven very reliable support structure in the act of parenting is worthy of note.
The enabling environment that Grandpa provided for the young one to operate may be very hard to find in the society of today. He found his Grandson a soul mate and a strong Ally, and gave him the needed support that enabled him to overcome what he Grandpa described as a passing phase.
Here Grandpa "It was not a major challenge but mere childhood exuberance that the young man was bound to face and to overcome, but unfortunately, the parents were not experienced enough to navigate through the situation with the young man, but they were intelligent to do the needful and timely too. Credit goes to them for recognizing early in the day that we are co-partners with them in the institution of marriage and act of parenting”.
Like an Army General marshaling his fleet, Grandpa with the support of Grandma, set out on a rescue mission and objectively confronted headlong the issues and in doing so gave their Grandson a clearer direction in life by ensuring he did not derail.
The story of Grandpa is continuing. Keep following us, keep visiting us and keep reading us. Remember, and always bear in mind that there is no us, without you.
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By Nnabugwu Chizoba
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